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Coming Out Age: 31
Date: 15 May 2007

Story:

I've been coming out to myself for about a year and 
I've kept my husband informed along the way about my 
self-discoveries. He's a great person and I never wanted 
to blind-side him one day with my being lesbian. 
Looking back, I probably knew all along, but I had to break 
it to myself and him slowly.
 
I used to get jealous towards my husband because I 
thought he was checking out women.  I would accuse him of 
"looking".  But when I took an honest look at myself I 
realized I was the one that wanted to be checking them 
out, I just denied it. So once I accepted that, I 
realized I found women attractive and thought that was the 
extent. I enjoyed looking at them and that was it. But 
then it progressed to wanting to kiss a woman and 
wondering what it was like to be with a woman. For some 
reason, I wanted a lap dance, thinking that would either 
prove or disprove I was gay so I got a couple and 
enjoyed it to an extent. It made me think for a while that 
I satisfied a curiosity but reality crept back in. 
 
So I started reading other women's coming out stories 
and realizing I was relating to things they were 
saying: always feeling "unique" and like I didn't quite fit 
in, never really feeling like I fit in with other 
straight couples when my husband and I would go out and 
just a general "knowing" there was more to me that I 
hadn't discovered. There were times when I was reading a 
woman's story that I would start to cry and shake 
because I was relating to what she was saying and feeling 
it as my truth, but my mind just couldn't accept it. I 
couldn't get my brain wrapped around the thought of me 
being a lesbian. My emotions/feelings and mind were so 
disconnected but because of the intense emotion, I 
knew in my heart it was true. I never really cried much 
until I started to acknowledge my true self, after that 
it was hard to shut off.
 
Since I've started this process, I've remembered 
things about my childhood I'd forgotten and my past and 
present are coming together: I feel more complete. I 
sense the pieces falling into place and instead of being a 
shadow or a bystander, I feel like I'm living and 
taking control of my life.