coming Out Age: 41

Story:

 I have had lesbian experiences all my life - my first
 kiss, my first crush, my first sex - all with women.
  
How did I manage to not notice I was a lesbian?  How
 did I manage to have two marriages, a disaster of
 five months and a wonderful friendship of 12 years?
 Probably growing up in Snobville, Waspland with social
 climbing right wing oppressive parents had something to do
 with it.  

After my daughter was born I was unable to
 recover from the severe depression, so I finally got
 myself a kick-ass therapist.  She and I have spent 18
 months peeling off the layers enshrouding the real me
 and a few weeks ago I heard myself say to her, "I'm not
 straight"  I hadn't thought the thought before I
 heard myself say the words.  

I have not fallen in love with a woman, I just know that I 
w  ill when I meet theright one.  It is euphoric and 
terribly sad, because I love my husband and my daughter and 
our little family.I have talked with my husband about it and we are
 trying to go slowly and know our feelings and think 
about what our futures will be.  

Yesterday I was diagnosed with breast cancer
 so now I believe that for the mean time I must keep
 our family together in one home for my little girl.  I
 may never have the chance to really be a lesbian, and
 I may never meet the love of my life, but it is
 wonderful to know who I am and not as anyone else has told
 me I am or should or will be.  Today is my 42nd
 birthday.  Thanks for the opportunity to give myself this
 wonderful gift - to be freely out.