Coming Out Age:  30


I am married to a man and we have 2 children. I have known that I was always 
attracted to women, since I was nine or 10. I guess I just did not want to 
face it. I dated guys in highschool and college. Then at 19 met my husband 
and he helped me in so many ways. I would not be the person I am today, and 
I do love him. I thought that I was in love with him, I thought that was what 
it was all about. I tried to figure out if this was the right thing to do, 
because I was not absolutly sure that I was in love. I had also never been 
in love. I just knew he was a good person, that he loved me, and that he 
would be a good father. I married him when I was 23 and at 25 had my first 
kid and 27 kid number 2. 

I started working at a new job and there was an out lesbian working there. 
When I first met her, the sparks flew for me. Something in her eyes. But I had 
never felt anything like that before and if I had I ran. I was very angry at 
her for making me feel this way, so I was a complete bitch to her. I did still 
have to work with her and so I eventually realized that she was not such a bad 
person (cause she had many personality flaws). By this time I had forgoten the 
intence attraction that I felt when we first met. I was just her friend. 

Then, one day, I was walking around the office, kind of dancing to a tune that 
was playing on the radio. I noticed she was looking my way and I thought to myself, 
"Maybe she thinks I am cute, after all she is a lesbian." As I drove home that night, 
it was like the flood gates had opened. Thoughts of me and her, well ya know. I could 
not stop thinking about it and I could not shut it off. I felt so bad because I am 
married and I now have 2 kids. So, I continued to work with her off and on and I 
eventualy told her about my feelings for her, mainly cause I did not know any other 
lesbians and I needed a lesbian to talk to. At first, I did not tell her that it was 
in fact her, but she of course figured it out. She said she was flattered but that 
she was happy with her girlfriend. We continued to be friends until, I fell in love with her. 

I broke off the friendship because it was too painful for me. I told her not to contact 
me at all. Well, she of course did not listen and would drop by my work every now and then, 
because of whatever reason. Then one day out of the blue, she texts me 'Hey.' On one hand I 
was upset that she was contacting me and on the other I wanted to know what she wanted. 
She eventually told me that she and her gf broke up. I was astonished. I told her that I
 wish that I could be there for her as a friend but my feelings for her were just too strong 
to be just friends. She said that there could be something between us besides just a friendship. 
I could not stop thinking about her and we then started a relationship. It was awesome. I not only 
liked getting pleasure but I loved giving it, which is not the case with men. 

Well, lets just say that she was to emotionally messed up from her last relationship that she 
could not continue with a married woman. I just about died, but I did not. I have been picking up 
the pieces ever since. I have told my husband about being in love with her but not that we did 
anything. He believes its cheating and would divorce me. I have just come out to him that I am 
in fact a lesbian just a month ago. He just thought that I was bi, and this time I did not back 
out of it like I have done so many times in the past. He believes that I am going throught some 
mental breakdown and that I am mislead in my declaration that I am a lesbian. We are going to 
counseling to better understand the situation. I am not sure that it will help, but I think that 
he deserves something that will allow him to come to grips with this. That is where I am right now. 
I know that there is someone out there for me, and not the girl I had a relationship with. I look 
forward to meeting her and sharing a life of love with her. As far as my husband is concerned, 
I hope that he can find happyness without me. I beleive that my chi!ldren will be just fine, 
with a good mom and a good dad that has their best intrest at heart. Thank you -- message me on yahoo - zarra21