Coming out age: 40


At 40 years of age I met a woman, I met the most wonderful, beautiful, classy, funny, sexy woman I had ever met.  
Let’s call her Stephanie for this story’s sake; she was 9 years my senior but certainly didn’t look it, she was 
incredibly attractive!  We met on line at first, had some e-mails go back and forth, a couple of short phone calls 
(just to make sure it really was a woman) and then we finally met for coffee one evening… and the sparks flew!!  
At the time I was a divorcee with two young children.  Divorced for almost 7 years at the time we met, I had only 
ever dated men but had ALWAYS been interested in women.  Even as a young girl I remember being attracted to my friends 
and even kissing one girl around the age of 10 or 11, long kisses that were extremely arousing to me.

Meeting this new woman that I had become very attracted to by viewing one photo of her that she had e-mailed me and 
some e-mails that had become quite explicit … this was someone I had become very interested in before even meeting face to face.  
She had never been with a woman either.  She was married with 2 adolescent children and had a deep curiosity of what it 
would be like to be intimate with a woman as well.

At the time I thought it would be a sexual thing, just to satisfy years and years of a very deep curiosity.  I knew 
from the very second we met and I looked into her absolutely beautiful blue eyes that I was in big trouble.  M y heart 
was already starting to feel something, I was melting inside but I wasn’t about to show it – no way!

We talked and talked.  Ended up making out in my car for a while and Oh my God…. Was it HOT!!  Within one week, yep, 
7 days from the day we met I told her that I loved her and she said it back to me.  I knew she meant it too.  We started 
the most wonderful love affair together.  The connection we had both emotionally and physically was one that neither of us 
had ever experienced!  Absolutely explosive in the best way, a passion and understanding about each other’s heart, soul 
and body that no man on earth could EVER get, EVER!  

The first person I told was my best friend, she laughed almost nervously and said she thought it was fabulous, wanted to 
know all the details and was completely supportive and still is to this day.  Next I told a few other friends, close friends.  
Every one of them said, “Well, as long as you’re happy then I am happy for you.  And girl, you look VERY happy so go for it!”  
I couldn’t believe the support and positive reinforcement I was receiving at every turn.  This was turning out to be pretty easy.

Next were my parents.  M y incredible parents, in their late 60’s, pretty cool, very fun loving, but really on the 
grand scale of things; a bit old fashioned when it came to this… or so I had thought.  So 7 months after this love affair 
had begun I finally, finally, finally managed to get up the courage to tell my parents.  I was 41 years old by this point 
but for that moment I felt like I was about 7 years old and was about to admit to them that I had stolen a piece of gum or 
something.  M y heart was pounding so hard that I felt like one of those cartoon characters where you literally see their 
hearts pounding out of their chest!  I went to their house one afternoon.  I had told my lover and my best friend that this 
was the day I was telling my parents that I was in a same sex relationship --- their darling daughter, M other of their 
grand children, the daughter that has never done anything wrong, the daughter that pretty much walks on water in their eyes…. 
Is a lesbian!  Oh yeah… talking about a major moment of anxiety!!  I sat down, burst into tears, couldn’t say a word other 
than, “I love you guys and I just want you to be happy for me and to love and support me like you’ve always done….” 
With that my M om asked if these tears had something to do with Stephanie.  M y parents had heard her name constantly but 
thought I had made yet another friend.  They read deeper into it and they both came out and told me they had suspected that 
Stephanie and I were lovers.  M y parents were totally fine with it, in fact they knew that after what I had been through 
with my ex-husband that I couldn’t ever find another man that I would ever be able to trust.  They stood up, came over and 
sat on either side of me on the couch and hugged me tight.  They both told me it’s “okay” and that as long as I’m happy, 
that’s all they’ve ever wanted for me.  They had met Stephanie a few times and really liked her.  

Stephanie and I have had our challenges, nothing to do with other people at all though.  For me, I have known for years that 
this is really M E!!  Being in a lesbian relationship is what feels right to me, it feels natural, and it feels like it’s just 
supposed to be like this.  For her, it has been a process, a journey as they say, she fought the feelings, and she is scared 
of the label society might throw at her, maybe she’s gay, maybe she’s bi-sexual…. But at the end of the day, she is with me, 
a woman, a feminine woman like herself, we love each other deeply and we want to be together.  The rest will fall in place in 
time, we know that but it took a while for her to realize it and to realize that it was ok for her to be in love with me… a woman.

Almost two years have passed since Stephanie and I first met.  We are stronger and more in love than anyone I know!  We have a 
love and connection that I know most people will NEVER experience.  Here’s the bottom line…”women just get women” and when women 
fall in love it goes deeper than ANY man/woman relationship could ever go.  It’s a fact, it cannot be explained in words, 
you just have to live it and you’ll then know what I mean.  I have told many people about Stephanie and me.  I have not once 
experienced a negative reaction – not once!  I have NOT told my children, they are both under the age of 10; they are too young in my opinion.  

So…. There ya’ go, my “coming out” story, a shortened version. For me it wasn’t as hard as I had thought it might be.  
In fact, it was pretty easy.  I am blessed to have such incredibly supportive and understanding friends.  Just remember, 
go with your heart, what feels right and natural to you probably is right and natural so don’t fight it.  Have fun with it.  
You only live once, don’t waste your life in a loveless marriage/relationship with some guy just so everyone else doesn’t get upset – 
IT’S YOUR LIFE!!  Don’t wait until you’re 70 years old because by then you’ll be so miserable and pissed off with yourself 
that you didn’t make the changes and decisions that were truly in your heart and soul 20 or 30 years ago… it’ll be too late by then.  
Don’t do it, believe me, once you do what you truly want to do and be with who you truly want to be with, then and only then 
will you be truly happy in your life.  Be true to yourself, you deserve it!