COMING OUT AGE:  32

Well, I haven't 'come out' yet but I am ready to stop running away from my sexuality.
 Only because I realise that you can't - that's the thing, you can't run away from yourself! 
I know, because I've tried to for longer than I want to think about. I dont want to waste 
my life being conflicted. 

A year ago, I broke off an engagement with a man who loved me very much because I couldn't 
love him properly. I still don't know if it's because I'm a lesbian, bi or he just that he didn't 
do it for me. I then fell in lust with another, very different man, but something about it just
 didn't feel right. I was in a terrible hurry and ended up putting him off, because I was still 
running away from the lesbian part of me.

I generally have romantic crushes on men but am am very attracted to women sexually. I have NEVER 
touched a woman sexually, mostly because I fear rejection. I don't know if I'm lesbian, or straight 
with a lesbian streak? The problem is I can't really imagine being in a relationship with a woman 
(it's really just a sexual thing). In fact, whenever I consider life as a lesbian I feel this 
crushing sense of doom. I want to be the lovely wife of a lovely, sexy man and have children. 
Then why do I have these strong lesbian urges? 

I know the real problem about my situation is the crushing sense of terror around my lesbian side. 
I have never been judgmental of other gay people, but when it comes to my own sexuality, it's a different 
story. I know this comes from childhood and that I have to face it.

It's a relief even to write all this. Thanks to everyone for sharing.