Coming Out Age: 45


Story:

very comforting to read the stories of other women who are 
going through this process. I see something of myself in each ladies story. 

I was married to my best friend for 12 years. He was a kind, handsome 
amazing person, but as others have said, there was always something missing. 
Though I never pushed him away sexually, I can't really say I enjoyed it.. 
UNLESS I was fantasizing about being with another woman, that is. Which in 
a way, isn't really a fair thing to do with the person you are actually sleeping with. 

In a desperate search to be anything other then a lesbian, I ended up having 
several affairs with other men, (not proud here, it's just what happened) 
though the initial flirt and catch were fun, nothing ever really felt right.

Finally my husband and I separated and I moved in with still another man. 
For some reason, though I have no problem thinking about being with a woman sexually, 
actually doing it, and possibly being in a relationship seem impossible to me.

One of the most frustrating things is having no idea where I stand with lesbians! 
I know exactly how to play the game with a man, but women mystify me, the very few 
times I have attempted flirting with women, I've  felt like a horrible failure. 
Once at an office party a very VERY young girl got really drunk and literally threw 
herself at me during a trip to the ladies room of the restaurant.The feeling of her 
sexy curves and her body aroused me insanely, but she was young and VERY drunk and 
I was a VP and she was an assistant. Really that was a line that I couldn't cross, 
so I called her a cab and sent her on her way. But the memory of her amazing body still remains. 

Recently I have gotten involved in some political activism, and there is a woman 
in the group who I am pretty sure is also gay.. She is just wonderful. but I am 
completely lost on how to proceed. 

Just being able to get these things out there are so helpful. At 45 you have to really 
decide if you want the next chapter of your life to be a repeat of the first, or if you 
are ready to fall in love with yourself.. sexual orientation and all.. and move forward with honesty.