Coming out age:  41

Looking back now I realize I was aware of same sex
 attraction at the age of about 7.  I remember being in a
 church with my mom.  She was talking with a woman that
 attended the church and as I looked up at her I had a
 "feeling"  a sort of crush on her.  I remember her
 looking down at me and patting my head.  I didn't know
 what it all meant of course at the time but years later
 that scene was to come back to me as I went through
 the phase of coming out.

Being raised in a strict Pentecostal setting I was
 taught as so many of us are that homosexuality is wrong.
  Through the years I learned to suppress my feelings
 towards women.  I had to sit in church and hear
 sermons preached against being gay and feeling at the same
 time "abnormal" and in need of "deliverence from this
 "abomination."  These are the words that I often heard.
  I ended up marrying a guy that was a good friend of
 mine only to have an affair with a man and a woman
 during our marriage.  I was so confused, trying to find
 my sexual orientation.  I'd never been given the chance
 to explore my feelings for women.  I realize I only
 married out of trying to be normal, fit in and do what
 was expected of me.  

Our sex life was very mechanical on my part.  I went
 through the motions just to please him and it came to
 the point that I just couldn't go through the motions
 anymore.  We are great as friends but no more.  

We have two children now 16 and 18.  I have finally
 come out of the closet.  I've found a gay affirming
 church which is wonderful.  I've broken through the guilt
 I felt thinking that something was wrong with me.  I
 now know that I'm not straight, nor bisexual...I'm a
 lesbian.
I'll soon be divorced and on my new path to explore
 and live life as the real me.  We are working to get our
 finaces in order.  My husband is in agreement with
 the divorce.  He doesn't want me living a lie with him.
  I'm thankful for that.

I am not with anyone at the moment but I know that
 I'll be ready for my new life with that special woman
 that's out there somewhere for me.  After twenty years of
 marriage and living a lie I finally feel free to be
 myself.