Coming Out Age: 31

Let's just say that I am confused. I love my family. I love my life but 
am always sad for some reason. I believe I have figured out why. I AM GAY. 

I have known it for a long time. Since I was in middle school I always was 
"friends" with guys. I was the girl that you drank with and played sports with. 

I had boyfriends and did what I thought was the right thing. There was always 
a lack of emotion in the relationships. I had no physical attraction but knew 
that it was the right thing to do. 

I had a major crush on a girl in high school but would have never said anything. 
Turns out six years later she comes out!! When I found this out I was crushed. 
I at this point had already met my now husband and we were having a baby together. 

I thought about telling people all the time. I would be having a conversation with 
someone and in my head I am saying to myself, "Just tell them you're gay. Say I am gay." 
I could never do it. I regret that choice now because I don't feel comfortable in 
my own skin. 

On a daily basis I battle with the decision to tell my gorgeous husband that I 
like women. I love women. I never had the courage to be with a girl when I was younger 
but I wish I had. Now I feel like there are too many people involved in my life that 
coming out would effect in a negative way. My daughters, my parents, my friends but 
mostly my husband. I have told no one but feel like this is at least a good way to 
possibly get the ball rolling on becoming who I know I really am. I am a lesbian. 
I am gay. I feel like I am going to vomit. I hate that I was raised Irish-Catholic.