Coming Out Age: 44
Date:        23 Apr 2007

I expect high school was my earliest recollection of 
having intimate feelings for a woman.  Three teachers 
during one school year were crushes for me.  2 gym 
teachers-- I was very into sports! , and one family 
studies teacher.

I never spoke the feelings, or did anything but keep 
the fantasies to myself.
  
Fast forward past high school, college, university, 
and at age 33 meeting the man I would marry-- I did have 
a happy fulfilling relationship.  We married, bought a 
house and had 2 children in quick succession.
He had been previously married, and had 2 children 
also. 
 
Our good relationship changed very quickly after the 
birth of our second child-- and I found that the entire 
responsibility of managing a household, a family, a 
career, and financing it all-- would become my 
responsibility.  The stress and strain took more than an 
emotional toll- my physical health started to fail.

So, I took steps to end the marriage, and continue to 
do what I had been doing all along alone anyway-- 
In a short time- I had realized and decided to make an 
attempt to re-discover those intense feelings I'd 
experienced for women, many years ago.


In just over a year, I have had my first female lover- 
who has since remained a friend- and my "first" sexual 
experience.  I learned from those few months- that the 
physical experience of women loving women, is clearly 
like no other.  The intensity of emotion, the caring, 
the gentleness, the thoughtfulness, so much goes into 
a loving moment with a woman- that just transcends 
words.
For the past 5 months, I have been very much in love 
with a married bi-sexual woman.  I've always considered 
myself to be monogamous- and still know that I can 
only be intimate with one person.  I struggle with the 
fact that I am so in love with this woman, and that she 
is happy to be married, and loving both of us in her 
life.

I have fallen in love with her, and I experience the 
most incredible intensity of emotions with her- through 
any and all of our communications.

I think, for me, part of being here and now in this 
relationship, is the kind of person I am-- not wanting 
to miss any part of living.  REALLY LIVING.  Secondly, 
I know I am at least a bit naive , to think it could 
work for me.  Still, without expecting any changes on 
her part, and being perfectly content with G in my 
life, at this stage for me, as a closeted very likely 
lesbian, mother of 2 young children-- I will continue to 
move forward in this present relationship-- and not 
miss this great love we have.  I am SO happy to be able 
to know this love, and to share it with such an amazing 
dynamic lady.  I feel alive, in ways I never have in 
my entire life.  I'm looking forward to seeing what 
life brings next!!! 
 
My hope, would always be, to eventually live my life's 
reality.